This layout was made by ME, Jeannie, using Paint Shop Pro 8. Images used can be found here. Brushes used can be found here, here and here.
*Thursday, December 17, 2009
It was a clear summer day when I saw the tears on your face I knew that our time was up on us
Our moment of end was so fast
Just another lesson to be learned gotta move on and not lose faith just another obstacle to take live my life before it gets too late I won't give up, I won't stay down this is what life's worth living for (life's worth living for) I still believe in love
hopefully, i can do all these. sorry to have wasted your time and made you take the wrong step out 8months ago this faithful day. can i ever forgive myself? though i know it's pointless typing this, i still will, even if there's a probability of at most 0.00000005% that you will ever read this, i just want u to know that you did nothing wrong, never did. don't let someone like me dash your hopes and believe in ever finding true love. may the new year be filled with alot more joy, hope, laughter, peace and love for you.
who is that girl i see staring straight back at me? when will my reflection show who i am inside?
whooooooooots holidays are FINALLY here, yet i've done nothing productive! not even packed my room and cleared shelf space for sem 2's stuff! uh-oh! time suddenly feels so tight! )): and to make matters worse, i FINALLY went to trim my hair and after the scissors went snip snap snapping, the stylist suddenly said "ehh..i think it's abit too short now" AHHHHH MY HAIRRR! :( i miss my old hair style! now it's so hard to make the messy look boho! )):
some people may be surrounded by little friends or be physically alone, yet they do not feel alone. others may be surrounded by crowds of friends, yet feel lonely deep inside. for some weird reasons, i'm filled with so much emptiness deep inside, and i do not know why. initially, i thought the holidays would be a great time to unwind and hide away from all the hectic schdules and datelines, to finally slow down my footsteps and spend more time to observe my surroundings and life. yet, with all the free time, i ended up thinking about alot of stuffs. with all the free time to travel around, i ended up by-passing alot of places with bitter-sweet memories. it's funny how it was just 9months ago when my life finally started crawling up the roller coaster track, when i was so thankful that my sky finally had a silver lining after 1-2 years of turmoil and thought that the upwards travel would last for at least as long as my downwards journey, but apparently the joy ride was over within a few months. is it really destined for it to be 90% cloudy and stormy on my side? i really hope not. now i wonder if i rather a hectic life, where i do not have the time to entertain all these emotions.
isn't it ironic that we: igore those who adore us, adore the ones who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love the ones who hurt us?
is tired, is very very tired. exams are coming, i am barely halfway through reading my long-owed readings. i just want to scream and throw my hands up high now. rahhhh! )):
what you see is not what you get, a hidden face behind many layers of mask. how do we know when the true face is revealed? will we ever get to see the true face in the first place? the inability to see one's true intentions without digging deep, the inability to truely understand someone (unless they willingly remove their masks), the inability to tell whether someone truely likes, or secretly dislikes, you. who can we truely trust? on the other hand, why are we all always hiding?
looking back, i'm beginning to wonder, just how many people do i truely know? and, of course, how many people truely know me?
people around me are secretly feeling sad, tired and troubled. n, likewise, they say the same about me. the inability to detect how my friends are truely feeing, the inability to fully open up, gee... i feel like a horrible friend ):
exams are around the corner, homework is piling up sky high, datelines are drawing nearer and nearer. 4 essays, all due in the same week. how oh how how how how how how HOW m i going to survive! even after zapping so much readings to refer to, i can't help feeling that it's not enough to help me through S-T-R-E-S-S boho! what a stressful week and weeks to come )))):
however, amidst the huge truckload worth of workload, i'm still glad i got all my frens ard. bimbo cheer, nike 10km run, doing homework and studying together and going all high when we achieved our aim, gathering together at CDOP to step away from the hectic schedule and just quieten down and pray, going around school at night to give out study snacks and talk to friendly random people, having people to talk to and share with, or just plainly sitting around talking and laughing till my stomach hurts and cheeks cramped up badly.
all the little things, which keeps me saint and happy. no matter how tough it gets in uni, i'm glad i at least have all my loves to walk it through with me.
He will make a way, when there seems to be no way. He works in ways we cannot see, He will make a way for me.
tis is dedicated to my dear wonggggg-sy! ((:
my listening ear. the one who understands me alot. one of those i know i can turn to for good advises. the blur and clumsy girl who knows how to judge people and situations well. the one i go crazy n superbly high with. they say that still water runs deep. i agree thank God for blessing me have a great friend like u (:
heyy girl! we're chatting on msn now but i tink ur too moodless n jumpy n panic-y to read all these on our chat-window now, so i shall post it here. i know ur extremely vexed over things and worrying about how things will progress and turn out. all of us make mistakes and bad decisions on impulse, and honestly it's way easier solving other people's problems than ur own. just remember that next time, when you are faced with such situations again, hold yourself back, and think things through very thoroughly, and don't forget to ask for suggestions next time ok? though, sometimes, other people's suggestions may seem stupid or ignorant (because you feel that they do not understand the situation well or where you are coming from), u shld still sit down and chill and think it through over and over again, because it might actually make alot of sense but we are too blinded by emotions or pride to see it. ahahahs! ok maybe the previous 4-6 lines may apply to just me, but main point is, always take a breather, think things through carefully and seek opinions before acting ok? both of us have much to learn, and we shall learn it together ((:
even though we're not in e same school and it's so hard to meet up and be physically there for you, just remember that i'm just a msn/sms/phone call away. just say the word, and i'll there for u (spiritually n mentally) (: no worries, at least ur grp mates got ur back rights? CHEER UP GIRL!!! know that no matter what happens, ongggs will always be right there! even if it seems like u got nobody to turn to, and feel all alone, open ur eyes bigger n look around, cause i'll still be there! even though we always suan each other with really mean things, but you know i dun mean it rights? ((((:
the girl with many masks, and her heart trapped by too many locks. only the patient, who bother to dig deep for the broken pieces and slowly piece them together, can see the full picture.
i asked some people to describe me, and got a really interesting response which I can relate to the most.
and when the rainbow's shining over you, that's when your dreams have all come true.
a broken bone, will not stay broken forever. the body will naturally n quickly react. the healing process starts off with the formation of a substitution woven bone to join the broken ends together, restoring some of the original strength. eventually, the bone will begin to form, remodelled into a new shape that closely duplicates the bone's original shape and strength. like a broken bone, our lives are not completely hopeless, and our paths completely broken, when something goes wrong. though all bad things will serve to obstruct our paths in one way or another, and make us disheartened and weary, we should never be so quick to wave the white flag for it is not the end of the world. instead we should seek to look back and reflect, learn from our mistakes, and learn how to walk through such situations in the future. tt way, we can grow stronger and wiser, creating that new "bone" and rebuilding our broken path.
to all my dear frens who have recently faced alot of problems, tears, anger, and heartbreak, do not be afraid to look back and learn, and most of all, do not give up and leave your paths broken. no matter what, you'll always have my hands to hold, and shoulders to cry on. i'll be there for you. when the rain starts to pour, you can stand under my umbrella.
You can be a sweet dream, Or a beautiful nightmare.
jeannie has to learn how to be less judgemental, jeannie has to learn how to be less critical, jeannie has to learn how to be more disciplined, jeannie has to learn how to be more focused, jeannie has to learn how to cope with all her readings better so she won't lag behind so badly and have to struggle so hard to catch up, jeannie has to learn to stop procrastinating, jeannie.....really has alot more to learn.
and now, out of boredom, the mood to blog has randomly kicked in once more.
someone once told me, the only way to start climbing out of the pit of sorrow and sadness, is to hit rock bottom first. only when you have stop falling further, when your feet has finally touched solid ground, can you then stand up once more, and start climbing back up and out of the pit. yes, it's true for me, and after alot of determination and support, i'm glad i was able to stand back up and climb back out. i do hope that you have beaten me and climbed out of the pit first. it's all for the better, i do not belong here and you're better off with someone else. trust me, this one last time.
it's been 8 weeks, though school is killing me with tonnes of boring readings and huge truckloads of projects and assignments, i'm still thankful for all the new friends i've made, and for once i'm suddenly surrounded by so many christian friends and even joined a CG yayyy! ((: that aside, thanks for all the joy and laughter, thanks for all the love and support, even though i don't know u guys for very long, i'm still thankful for all the love and concern showered upon me, especially when my traffic light changed color. thanks for all the memories, and may we continue to create many more beautiful ones. thank God for you guys. <3
